How to Survive Tornadoes!

Why should you learn how to survive tornadoes? Because they can strike anywhere, and at anytime! That's why!

The United States averages 1000 tornadoes every year, injuring 1500 people, killing 80, and squashing at least 1 wicked witch.

An F5 tornado (the most powerful type) is exceedingly rare, but when it does occur, its like God touching earth with his finger: His middle finger!

In this article, I’ll teach you how to survive tornadoes!

How to Survive Tornadoes: Stay ahead of the weather!

The most important thing you can do to survive a tornado is be aware!

Not even the geekiest meteorologist in the world can tell you exactly where its going to hit or how big its going to be.

Nonetheless, there are useful clues you should be aware of:

1. Dark, low flying clouds

A tornado is, by definition, a huge, spinning vortex of ferocity that descends from its parent cloud in the sky, and touches the ground in order to send cows flying.

Okay, that’s my own definition, but the point remains true: tornadoes descend from storm clouds. 

Storm clouds appearing lower to the earth than normal have a better chance of touching down with a tornado, so be ready!

2. Green Skies

Tornadoes are born in tall, massive thunderclouds. Only the tallest thunderclouds reflect green light.

Why? It has something to do with water droplets and air particles scattering light at different distances. Also, tornadoes tend to suck up a lot of frogs and grasshoppers.

The bottom line is if you see a green sky, don’t just stand there gawking like a deer in headlights!

Okay, gawk a little bit. Its a beautiful phenomenon, especially if your favorite color is green, like mine. 

But once you’re done gawking, get ready for extreme weather! Its not guaranteed to be a tornado. It could just be hail or lightening, but its gonna be something!

3. Rumbling

Do you hear that rumbling sound in the distance, kind of like a freight train? That sound is totally fine. 

Unless, of course, you don’t live near any trains, in which case its probably a tornado on its way to transport you and your family to the magical Land of Oz.

It might be too far to see. Your view could be obstructed by a hill or some buildings. But if you hear rumbling, don’t take it lightly. Be ready!

4. Emergency Tornado Warnings!

You need to have an emergency hand crank weather radio at your home. 

If the authorities sense dangerous weather conditions like, for instance, an F5 tornado getting ready to chew up your town, they’re going to warn you. 

They’ll also tell you whether you should evacuate your area or stay indoors, and where the nearest shelter is. 

These days, weather radios are cheap and come with a ton awesome features like built in solar panels, LED flashlights, and cell phone charging ports. Get one that takes batteries, but make sure it also has a hand crank! 

When your batteries inevitably run out, hand cranking will keep you in the game.

Here's the one I have!

How to Survive Tornadoes: Have a Shelter in Mind BEFORE You Need It!

Don't be running around like a chicken with its head cut off, desperate for a place to hide. Figure out a safe place to go ahead of time.

Worms, moles, and groundhogs know how to survive tornadoes! 

They stay underground, and so should you.

Basements and storm cellars are best. Tornadoes occur above ground, so by going into the earth, you’ll avoid the deadly winds and flying cattle. 

If you don’t have a basement, then stay in your house. Go in a small room on the lowest floor, ideally with no windows. (Getting hit in the face with flying glass is NOT how to survive tornadoes). 

Lay on the ground and cover yourself with a thick blanket, sleeping bag, or rug for extra protection. 

Hiding under a heavy piece of furniture like a table or chair also increases your chances of survival.

Trailers, RV’s, and Mobile Homes

If you live in an RV, congratulations! You’re living my dream, and the dream of thousands of other city folk who crave the free-wheeling, independent life of a nomad. 

But RV’s are primary targets for bloodthirsty tornadoes, so don’t depend on them for shelter. 

Did You Know?

 A tornado can pick up an RV and toss it as easily as a football. Not a leather football, either. A Nerf football, which weighs only slightly more than air itself.

Trailers don’t fair any better.

In 2020, more than half of all tornado related deaths in the United States occurred in trailer parks.

Remember, the key for how to survive a tornado is to go underground, and mobile homes don’t have basements! 

If you live in a trailer, RV, or mobile home, find someone with a basement willing to take you in, and be prepared to go there. Talk to your neighbors and arrange for this beforehand!

Large, Communal Buildings are a NO GO.

If at all possible, stay out of large, open space buildings like gymnasiums or churches. Their roofs are only supported by the outer walls, so they collapse more easily than smaller structures. 

Getting squashed by 50 tons of roof shingles and gargoyle statues is NOT how to survive tornadoes.

What if you’re driving?

Cars, trucks, and even large vehicles like RV’s don’t stand a chance against a tornado.

If you’re on the road and you see a tornado, your best best is to drive directly to the nearest underground shelter, most likely the basement of anyone living nearby.

In emergencies, total strangers will often take you in as if you were family, contrary to the growing cynicism promoted by the satanic, communist-run mainstream media.

If there are no basements around, and the tornado is moving in your direction, do not try to out run it! You’re better off getting out of your vehicle and lying flat in a ditch or in a ravine, don’t forget to cover your head with your hands and arms!

If you get low enough, you might escape the pull of the wind. That’s just not possible from inside your SUV.

How to Survive Tornadoes: Avoid the Kill Zone!

If you’re on foot, it might seem like a good idea to hide beneath a highway overpass. Its big and sturdy, so its better than nothing, right?

WRONG!

Its worse than nothing.

Wind speed increases in enclosed areas like overpasses due to the Venturi effect, and deadly debris gets channeled into it.

When a tornado hits, you’re more likely to die beneath an overpass than anywhere else (except maybe in a hot air balloon), so don’t do it!

Getting turned into minced meat by flying lawn chairs and garbage cans is NOT how to survive tornadoes.

Did You Know?

The deadliest place to be during a tornado (besides underneath an overpass), is Bangladesh. 

Tornadoes kill 175 people in Bagladesh every year. 

The deadliest tornado of all time occurred there in 1989, killing 1300 people!

Want to know how to survive tornadoes? DO NOT move to Bangladesh!


Stay alive.


-Tommy

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